Post-Op Day 11

Well, today was interesting to say the least...I got up this morning around 8:30 was in my recliner reading and in comes my daughter..."Mommy, I need some bras, go to Victoria Secret with me". Well, the truth is I was right there with her, and I needed to exchange some things I got at Target yesterday...so to the shower I went in order to do a little shopping....And I took a little pain med for the affair. And I started with McDerma today for scar healing....I still have a very difficult time wearing things that rub my abdomen, it feels like friction on an open scab to be honest. Tylenol 3 helps...

I just have to say....I LOVE VS...no one and I mean no one makes bras as pretty, as comfortable, or as good a fit as VS. When you hit the right one it is just right. I have never been "get a standard bra off a hanger kinda girl", I evidently didn't bring one up either. We shopped for bras and panties for about an hour, what a luxury...after that we decided toes and nails were in order so I got a pedi and she got a mani....what a fun day BUT this girl is EXHAUSTED. And I mean EXHAUSTED.

Two outings, two days in a row, today I pushed it...I'm sure I will be in bed earlier than normal...

So I'm going to back track just a bit here....bra/panty bathing suit shopping is either a good thing or a devastating thing for us facing ourselves in a full-length mirror....something is happening to me...and it is a feeling I have not had in a very long time....I'm begging to actually feel pretty....I don't mean attractive, and I don't mean "hot" but things are changing for me. I can try on things I could not before and I can actually wear some of them....I'm sure when I was diagnosed with RA and started popping steroids like candy ballooning 85 pounds, I didn't go through things many women have not gone through with chronic disease. I did not have to loose a body part or be disfigured by an accident to have devastating self esteem effects, and for the first time in my life I understood the added anguish many carry with them that are chronically ill. It is not just the illness that you have to deal with, it is loosing yourself. I went from average to obese and I did it quickly. I went from active to pain and to the walls of my bedroom. I will tell you now 50 of those pounds are gone and this surgery drastically altered my body for the better, I am so grateful. If I had lost all the rest of my weight I would never have had flat abs...I'm grateful for the transformation this hernia allowed me to undertake.....I can see the light now, I feel a hope of full health for the future. I'm not just going to get healthy I'm going to be thin, I'm going to be a runner...

Saying those words is really a miracle for me. 2 years ago I could barely move, It took 2 hours to get ready for work, I was on about 13 meds including chemo, I was loosing my hair, getting divorced...I couldn't do anything but work. It is amazing to me 2 years later this is where I am.

All I can say is PRAISE GOD! I was so fortunate to find the keys that unlocked a miraculous healing through Christ...I never prayed for my self esteem during this time, Honestly, it did not even occur to me. Listen, I'm not one of those people who are caught up on looks but it is important for each of us to find peace with who we are. All of us need to find comfort in our spiritual, emotional and physical health, and I believe in that order. My physical health was miraculously restored when it came to RA, that opened the door for full body healing...the emotional goes right along with that, it is a process...

So today as I relax...I'm just meditating on the goodness of God, what He has done for me I will never forget...and I will imprint His goodness to me on my heart...