I'm so mad I could spit...

My Daughter is leaving for college in 4 days...it should be a wonderful time...We just had a family celebration to send her off this past Friday. It was one of those fabulous family get togethers I don't think any of us will forget...it was the praise before the storm....

In the early summer after my daughters graduation celebration her step-father met with us. He sat before us and told us he was a changed man, he asked for our forgiveness for leaving us all when I was diagnosed and started chemo. We were all hesitant to believe him, but gave him a chance at redemption. I told the kids that was scriptural. He said he wanted to be there for the kids regardless of what happened with us (he was hoping for reconciliation). He asked us what we needed. We sat there dumfounded. Although my son and he communicated occasionally, my daughter and I had never talked with him since he had left 2 years ago. My daughter just looked at him and he asked her about college expenses, he then told her he would pay for her left over tuition bill after loans (you can't borrow enough to totally cover your expenses) It was going to be about 2,000 for this first semester. It was such a stress relief. he offered to buy my son a car for 3500-4000 dollars as well. During the summer each month I have purchased EVERYTHING needed for her college dorm life. She is totally ready to go....

4 Days before college drop off he is "praying" if he should pay her expenses. He said he figures too much damage has been done...what does it matter... granted he is her step-father, he owes her nothing technically...but when I heard her sobbing on the phone today wondering if she should even start college this fall I got fighting mad. I'm so tired of having my kids let down. I want so badly for them to feel cared for and protected. I want them to feel like they can rely on a man. I wonder if he realizes the wounds he is creating. I rarely get mad enough to cry, but today was my first day back to work after an extended surgery. After I got about 10 panicked phone calls from my daughter as she is trying to figure out how to make other financial arrangements, I just broke down at work. Not only were we busy but I was training someone on the computer as we saw patient after patient...when I cry my face gets blotchy, there was no hiding it. I just had to excuse myself and give myself some time. I wanted to punch the wall and I hardly ever get really angry. I was so mad I felt on the edge of being out of control. Why, why did I even think this was going to happen? I should have known better...I knew he and I were not going to be able to reconcile but I was hoping for some redemption for the kids and him...NOT more damage....and I even encouraged them both to be open to his offers. I felt like such an idiot...It is a hard thing to believe in people who have let you down, it is a harder thing to let them help you...God help the 3 of us to keep soft hearts...

I know God is our present need in time of trouble, I know He never leaves us, I know He not only dwells in me but my daughter as well. I know He owns a cattle on a thousand hills, I know He is our provider, I also know as His righteousness through Christ I encur favor and so does my daughter...so I'm asking everyone that reads this to pray for us. Speak a positive word over us, stand with us to believe the best, send us words of encouragement...We need 1909.00 to be exact for her tuition bill, (she has saved after working this summer and I have saved for the rest). I covet your prayers and support. There is an answer here and we need the wisdom to find it...Thanks saints :)