So I have been thinking lately...

So I have been thinking lately about relationships. Actually I always do but this has been different because these thoughts come out of learning how to rest...



Most people are going to read this and honestly not get it, your not going to get it if you don't know how to rest. I don't know how anyone learns that lesson unless God takes you through it. Most of us are children, parents and siblings. From the time we are born there is something in us that wants to control our environment for our purpose, it takes all of us quite a while to realize we don't always know what is best for us. Some people never learn that lesson...but as of late...



I have learned not to argue with how the potter is shaping not just me but my life. I have stopped saying I don't like the design of what God is doing in my life. I'm learning to go with it and try to view this experience of living now by looking from the outside in and just appreciating the beauty of what is happening...



Resting requires a couple of things; one, you have to absolutely trust that God loves you...if I didn't trust that I could not have started on this journey. I don't always feel His love, sometimes I question it, but I do trust it. I let that trust resonate in my life now. The other thing is I really had to see God as my creator, as a God who put me on this earth, in the US, in my family, at the time He did. Furthermore He created me with a set of skill sets and a level of faith to face and deal well with whatever came across my path. He knew every decision I would make and he provided for it all...I was not haphazardly created to just exist and try to do my best, I believe each of us is created for a purpose and for the most part that purpose lays outside of ourselves.



I don't think any of us will accomplish what we were to do on this earth unless we get to a point of trusting Gods love and His position as our Creator...THE creator for that matter. Getting there for me means I'm resting ;)



You older guys like myself will remember the popular saying and the book "God is my copilot". Well I have lived like that most my life in the drivers seat...I've decided to switch seats with Him, he is a much better pilot than I am, I have survived quite a few crashes, erroneous landings, poor direction, and wrong trips. As the pilot of my life...those wayward actions have cost me....and they cost me deeply. I have decided to stop controlling "my" journey and "my" life...



I'm just glad I serve a God that restores, and redeems, and makes my desires His desires. That is honestly where my hope lies right now. If we can not even fathom the good things God has for us how in the heck are we going to obtain them if we stay master of our lives only allowing Him a copilot seat...I'm learning he created this earth and he knows all the special spots I was created for...I want those special spots...and I want to arrive to what I was designed for...I don't really care where it is. I know and believe that is where I will be happiest and thriving. I so want to thrive in what God created me for, I just don't want to live a robbed life anymore, I want a victorious one...



I have been really quiet lately, I have not talked nearly as much to even my close friends. I couldn't get some of these thoughts out until I processed them a bit. I have truly had no words for what is going on inside of me, words are cheap and I can't seem to find the right ones to describe this experience even now. There is something so deeply intimate and personal between God and I right now it belongs to us, it is just precious stuff...

So...yes my friends I am doing well, in fact I think I am doing better than I ever have. I'm prospering spiritually, emotionally, financially, relationally, and physically. I'm feeling alive to my cells, I think I can feel my spirit woman in me growing, I actually feel her now and it feels like I am bursting out of my skin almost...

My dear friends, old and new that have supported me over these past few difficult years...I'm sorry I scared you, I hate that you saw me so low, but I love that you get to witness the journey of Gods redemption in my life...you each are so uniquly precious to me...and you know who you are...thanks for being there...;)