So I'll address this once...

Many people are asking me..."Why did you have plastic surgery?" Some say, "But your a Christian, couldn't you just exercise, isn't this the easy way out" OK, so I'm going to address some of those issues...

First of all, I didn't just have a tummy tuck, what precipitated this for me was that I had an entire abdominal wall muscle rupture. The first time I took chemo I had a terrible intestinal reaction, my intestine swelled to the point it disrupted my muscle wall from my zyphoid to my bellybutton. For almost 2 years I lived with it until it began to rupture even more, I couldn't eat a bite of an apple, I couldn't eat whole wheat toast, I couldn't drink thick drinks. toward the end I drank milk, and juice, and lived off of peanut butter and crackers. Meat and most vegetables were forbidden. I could eat about 4 bites until I had severe abdominal swelling and pain. During those moments I looked about 6 months pregnant.

I'm a nurse and have been for over 1/2 of my life. I have seen hernia or abdominal wall repair done by general surgeons and people have subsequent problems. Cutting through the abdominal wall then repairing it often times leads to repeat surgeries in a couple of years with mesh graft having to be put in, further incisional hernia all that...It just doesn't work to cut into a weak abdominal wall and try to repair it. One way to have all that avoided is to take a different approach. If you do a tummy tuck and dissect upwards and repair what is amiss, keeping the skin and abdominal wall intact reinforces and supports...you get often times lasting results if you don't tear during recovery.

I opted for plastics for a couple of reasons, foremost it would be a lasting permanent solution. Abdominal surgery is one of the most painful, I didn't want to go through it again. The other reason is this. I have absolutely been through the mill over the past couple of years medically and physically, I wanted something to not further disfigure me but help to completely heal and transform me. Had I undergone a midline cut I would have felt further disfigured and defeated. I more than likely would have had complications down the road with further surgery...I can tell you I feel like I have paid my dues, I don't want to be sick EVER again, I want this to end once and for all...

Not that I have to justify the decisions I make medically for my body to anyone but those are the reasons to those of you who have asked. I would have never had any surgery at all had I not had significant digestive issues...The outcome...yes, it is nice, and it has given me a new found hope, and I have changed things about my lifestyle to further assist me in getting healthy. I'm able to do things I have not before. I was more than grateful to have it done by plastics.

For those of you who wondered I have gotten short term disability from my company because there was a medical issue that drove this engine, BUT the plastics surgical component came out of pocket, it was not covered by insurance...thank God He provided that option for me.

I post pictures so people can see the progression. If it offends you don't look at them. I post them for educational reasons as it helped me seeing others journey. I'm paying back as I see it. My surgeon said he had done this procedure only 6 times (total abdominal wall repair from zyphoid to pubis bone), 3 were in the hospital a week, I was there 2 days, 2 others tore after lifting and had to have the surgery redone. I have handled the pain and recovery better than the other 5, but I will tell you this was HARD...I have needed the 8-10 weeks off it is going to take to recover. Granted this was 18 and 16 years ago but I was back working 12 hours in the hospital 14 and 16 days respectively post C-section. I'm no woose...I also never missed a day of work taking chemo...so my pain tolerance is fairly high...I really thought I'd be back to work much sooner, boy was I wrong. It took me 6.5 weeks to come off Percocet 5mg to sleep. I do take Tylenol 3 as needed about 3 times a week for pain STILL. I still need to rest a lot.

So there are my answers...this had a medical component driving the procedure, it was not an easy way out...and most importantly as a Christian I don't ever believe God puts us through these kinds of things to teach us a lesson. I do believe when we find ourselves in difficulty. He works it all for good, I was going to find the good...Health was going to triumph here. Satan kills, steals and destroys, God gives us life and life MORE abundantly. I went after the abundance...I'm being strengthened and renewed like the Eagle, it is my right as God's child...So this weekend I'm going to hit the pool, something I have not felt confident enough to do in years...this is the restoring the years the locus have eaten...I love how Daddy heals on so many levels....it is a beautiful thing...

Off to bed...up in 5 hours for travel ;)

Going to Disney...

Tomorrow my daughter, her boyfriend and I are heading to Disney resorts for the Retail Clinicians Conference. I'm really looking forward to it. We are going to drive the first 1/2 of the trip to Atlanta hang out for the night and then head on in to Disney on Saturday for the second 1/2. Hunter is going to stay home and work. He can get his license in Sept and has been working hard this summer saving for that first car. Although I would love his company I have to admire his ethic...Work gives us CEU money so most the trip will be covered...We are not going to the Disney parks...I'm really not up to it and my girl and her guy are beach bound...they plan on taking the car visiting coco beach, the Kennedy Center and any other close beach they can find. I thought they might like the water park at Disney...but they just want the ocean...They will travel to the beaches when I'm doing the conference during the day. This is only a 3 day conference. With it being inside the hotel I can go to the room and rest if I need to. I love this conference. It is educational, fun, and there it time for relaxation, you only have one long day of 12 hours. I honestly think I remember more when I'm not so saturated by medical facts, nor worn out by long consecutive days.

I plan on getting tons of pics... so stay tuned...we will document our fun in photos...Here is hoping for moderate degrees, sunshine, and SOME pool time. I'm looking forward to catching up with buddies throughout the world of retail medicine and spending time with my girl before she is off to her first year of college...

Post Op Week 6 (Photos)

This is the right hip and you can see the discoloring or hyperpigmentation. The puckering on the suture line will end up softening as the edges of the incision have.

Front view and everything is healing there is still some puckering of the incision but that will go away over time.

Left hip and you can notice the hyperpigmentation, hopefully it will go away completely

Front view again and you can see some defination of my stomach muscles...;) I'm liking it!

Alright well as far as recovery goes this is where I am at...

I woke up on my stomach this morning at 10:30 am! It is so rare for me to sleep in that late. I have mentioned before I'm a stomach sleeper. I don't believe I deep sleep until I flip to my stomach...evidently last night at some point I did just that. Usually it hurts so much I stop myself....I guess that is progress to not have any remembrance of the flip...I will say what woke me up was a tearing feeling in my left groin...it did rapidly resolve once I got off my belly...Until they run out I'm taking percocet 5 and a xanax (for muscle relaxant purposes) at bedtime, I have two percocet left so we will see how I sleep after that.

I am not in as much general pain. I still have it but not to degree it has been. I can actually stretch my belly a little bit backwards....this week I have noticed some definition on the sides of my stomach and that must be because I'm loosing water weight. It is sweet to see...I would say there are a couple of days a week I take tylenol 3 for abdominal pain, I usually end up taking two over a few hours to get relief but that is not common.

My suture line is begining to look like it is in the middle of two pieces of attached skin vs the lone holding it all together. The entire suture line is not like that but parts of it are, I guess that just takes time...

OK, there is no way to say this but to say it...this week for the first time when getting out of the shower I no longer have winced painfully at my reflection in the mirror. So yeah your reading this right. From the front view I'm OK with naked. I still want to drop weight and I'm working on that now that I am able to exercise more, but this goal of getting into shape is an attainable one. I'm looking forward to the day I can run, I'm walking now slightly over a mile whenever it is not raining.

I guess the biggest thing now is working at my stamina. I'm pushing myself now realizing I have been off 6 weeks and will be released to work again soon...I have got to get myself to the point of being able to do 12 hours. I'm sure at first it will be a challenge and I will get incredibly tired. I hope I have no pain when I go back to work...it is slowly dissipating...But I will admit this has been harder than I thought it would have been. I had no idea to the degree this would take me out. I really had no idea I would NEED 8 weeks + to recover. I honestly am doing very well this was just a tuff procedure to have the entire abdominal wall repaired...

Eating, well I can eat solids and fiber now. Every now and then something happens and I get a lot of stomach swelling and pain, but that use to happen every single time I ate, it is rare now. For the most part I can eat what I want. I can not eat a full meal, not even close, maybe a third, but at least I am on solids with less restrictions.

A peer, A sunset, A Bible, and my Daddy

This is the first time I have told this story publicly. I'm writing this as a dedication to my Daddy who taught me how to love...this is part of that story....

My Daddy married my mom when I was 9 years old, I was in the 3rd grade. In the summers we would travel to Florida in our VW bus to Port Charlotte to visit my grandmother. Those were great family memories....This was the summer of the 6th grade and my Dad deeply thinking pulled me into his lap in my Grandmothers livingroom. He told me he felt like I was his real daughter, I told him I felt like he was my Daddy. He told me he had one problem, he didn't know how to parent me, he didn't know what to do. He confessed he had been such a failure as a father to his boys, he was lost. I was surprised by this, then he asked me what I needed from him. How do you put that into words when your 12? Only one thing came to me, and it was difficult to admit... I told my Dad I didn't know right from wrong or good from evil. I honestly saw that if I did not settle that issue I would have no real chance in life. I was a mess and I knew it. He looked shocked at this revelation from me and then he told me this and I'll never forget this...."Lori, I don't have all the answers but I know where to find them. Let me pray about this and you pray about this and we will go to the peer tonight and talk about it. " So we both set out on our day...I talked to God pretty regularly since I was six years old...I really didn't know what prayer was but I knew I had an audience with the Father when ever I wanted it....I just said,"God help me", that is all I could get out, that is all I knew to say...The day dripped by until evening....Dad and I sent out to the peer and he had his Bible in hand...

This is what transpired on the peer as the sun set....My Dad said Lori there are times I don't know right from wrong, I don't know good from evil and I certainly in this life have participated in wrong and evil acts but this (the Bible) is Gods standard. If you agree to bring any question to me we will search out Truth together but we need to do something first....Dad opened his big thick page tattered Bible and turned to 1 Corth 13 and began to read...somehow truth began to infuse me but I did not understand where Dad was going with this, then he paused starting with verse 4 and began to read....

(4)"Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

(5) It is not conceited; it is not rude and does not act unbecomingly. Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it.

(6) it does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

(7) Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything.

(8)Love never fails....

He went on and read that beautiful chapter....but then we went back to vs 4-8 Dad explained to me that we could indeed find truth and righteousness but first we needed love. I had to agree that chapter of scripture was so wise to me (still is) but it was also something I could not fathom. At that time my Dad said, "Lori, to go on this journey together we have to decide to love one another because without it we have nothing. You have to learn to be patient, and kind, you have to know that I am going to at times do harm to you, it may even feel like evil, I am going to fail you, but at those times you have to choose to forgive me and not hold me accountable. You have to believe the best of me, and you have to always have hope, your going to have to endure a lot....but if you can do that our love will never fail"...My eyes were the size of saucers...all I could think of was the abuse I endured and barely survived at the hands of my real father. I'm sure I paused quite a while as I watched the orange glow on the water....all I could do was respond with this..."Well then you have to be patient and kind to me too! And when I grow up I know I will probably disappoint you, and make decisions you wish that I wouldn't, but you have to always believe in me. When I do wrong things you can't hold it over my head, you have to believe I am the best (I really said that...he laughed then...I was getting it...). I'll probably make you really mad but even when I do you will still love me, it will never fail....Right?" "Right", He said. In that moment my Dad and I decided to love one another admist all our failures and insecurities. We made a very conscious decision to quest the Word as Daddy and daughter. I can not tell you the peace that surrounded me, we sat on the peer in silence for a long time watching the water and the fish jump...I had no idea the impact that moment was in my life but I knew it was significant....

I tell this story for a couple of reasons One, is today we are so far from Gods definition of love...people casually say it giving it no credence...I'm telling you, seriously, "I love you" does not escape my lips easily, I tell my children and family, I tell my dearest friends, but I do NOT say it casually because I know it is an agreement and in that agreement I have to be willing to never let that relationship end, I know I can not fail that relationship overall....I have never sat down with another person and talked love out like this...but I can tell you this...doing that with my Dad transformed my life and it transformed him. I would not in any way be who I am today without that beginning. On that peer in the sunset power infused us and it was not of our own...

My heart broke when my father died...but now that time has started working through the crushing heart break I can once again palpably feel his love. I can tell you the Word is true, love never fails...

The other reason I tell you this is I began to learn that day the power of Gods Word, and the richness in doing things Gods way. That day began a Bible Study quest that my Daddy and I never ended, we always went to the Word to seek out truth and have it be our standard. I learned all about right from wrong and good from evil, but that was just the beginning...when I open up the Word my heart, and spirit, and soul are renewed to deeper understandings....I hope this encourages others that when they feel lost and confused, when they can not do things in their own strength...God is there...he calms the confusion, there IS Power in His Word, and if you pray for wisdom you will find it...if you knock the door will be opened....

The next day we went to Ft. Meyers and rented Catamarans to sail on. My Dad and I went out alone and suddenly the boat started to almost vibrate and groan, we were at full sail rapidly moving across the water....I got scared and said, "Dad what is that?"....He layed down and relaxed with one arm under his head and the other hand holding the rope and said, "We're in the "groove" Lori, it is called being in the groove". Suddenly all around us were fins...well back in that day Jaws was a hit show, I was terrified...My Dad sat up and touched my shoulder and said, "Lori we are in a school of dolphins"....He whispered to me, "Enjoy this moment, it will probably never happen again"...there are times words absolutely escape me, that was one of them. It was a beautiful moment that seemed to be a sign from God...and my Daddy was right it never happened again....

I'll never forget those days and 1 Corinthians 13 takes me back every time I read it to those rare moments in time...to a peer, the setting sun, a man and his daughter, grooving with the dolphins...we all should be so lucky....

My Daddy...

Dad holding Allie when she was two weeks old

This was Mom and Dads wedding picture I was in yellow and 9 years old.


This was Dads and his Hollywood good looks....

This was Dads military photo...what a looker...

This Saturday (the 25th) will be the 8th anniversary of my Dads death. His death rocked my world, it was an incredibly hard time for me. I still can not hardly talk about him without crying, it exposes that part of my heart that is tender. Most of my heart seems to be tender when it came to Dad...

Most of you know he was my step-father he was in my reality my Daddy. The truth is he touched my heart in ways no one else ever has, not that I have not desired that it just has not happened. Wow, did we forge through...I would say although we laid the foundation for years and tried to actively build our relationship it was not until my adulthood that we both realized we had something unique. That is when we absolutely clicked...we had somehow gained an understanding of each other that was our special bond. I just adored him....and he knew it. I felt truly loved for who I was...The thing is my Daddy knew me...he knew all the dirt, all the hardship, all my weaknesses, my strengths, he had seen me at my worst, he had seen my ugly cry, he knew my insecurities yet he continued to look upon me with adoration and supported my quest in life. He encouraged me to reach tops that even he thought I might be incapable of, he helped to pull me out of pits when I was deep in the mire. He was not afraid to see me fail or succeed. Most of all he was not afraid to let me in his heart, and I know he opened up his heart to me knowing before hand I would disappointed him at times, I know I frustrated the heck out of him, I know I made his heart ache, but he kept me there nevertheless and allowed me to love him in his vulnerability as well.... What a rare gift...to be taught by example how to love that way...

I have come to find out in life most of us don't choose to let others in unguarded. We are afraid of the heart break, we are afraid of the heart ache even, we don't risk letting others see us at our worst because in those moments we assume the relationship is doomed to fail, we hide our insecurities and our faults and in that we rob ourselves and others. Life should not be about a performance to stay on top, it should be about living and living raw, being real, being venerable, finding the freedom to expose our weakness and being supported. Finding someone who cherishes us. Well, as I have said, that is a rare gift. We all have t-shirt and barefoot jean, bad hair, no makeup days and we also have those little black dress moments when we feel our most beautiful, you have to be loved in both places. You have to be respected there too...

I see so many people skimming the surface with others with no commitment to get to the iceberg underneath the water. I have found that not only do you have to be willing to explore but you have to be willing to BE explored...you have to be willing to dive in that cold water and explore unseen parts of others...then you have to be willing allow others to expose some uncharted territory of yourself. It takes trust and respect....I don't think until those things are established will you find love...

Love is not that thing that makes us act like love sick teenagers again, it is that decision to really see someone and love it all, endure it all, and stay through it all...Love can not be summed up in one sentence it can not be summed up in one word or one set of expletives. That is why the Bible calls it patient, kind, and long suffering, not taking into account the wrongs done to it, not demanding its own way...What love is not is jealous, boastful, proud or rude, it is not glad in injustice bu rejoices when the truth wins out, it never gives up, never looses faith, it is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. Then this is my favorite love lasts forever....forever....

All that above paragraph my dad and I achieved...It did not come natural, we didn't even like each other at first. I think in all honesty we both were terrified of the other, but we set out on a quest and with Christ as our center we eventually got there...we risked our hearts breaking, we encountered disappointments, we failed one another at times, BUT we endured...when the dust cleared we were still standing and rooting the other on....

Towards the end of his life both of us knew he was leaving....whenever I walked into his hospital room he would start to cry...I would just curl up against him in his bed and he would hold me and tears silently streamed down both our faces, words escaped us, they were cheap...our love was forever but it was going to end in this life, he held me as my heart broke...and I held him as he begrudgingly started to drift from this life....

I don't think either of us would have ever exchanged the experience of learning to love each other deeply even though it involved pain, even though our hearts broke and even though it ended in this life...we propelled each other in areas we never would have known about or explored without that commitment we had towards one another...I think he felt like I was one of his greatest successes, I was. Loving and being loved like that imparted something in me that I will never loose, it allows me now to risk, to cast down my pride, to put others first, it allows me to see with eyes that are not my own, I have faith, I have hope, and I understand love is powerful....I understand to love and to be love changes us deeply and always for the better. The benefits out weight the risk by far. I understand that getting to anothers heart is what counts, I also understand letting someone get to my counts just as importantly. My Daddy's ability to teach that forever changed my life...I'm eternally grateful...

I have no doubt my Daddy is in a better place, the thing is I was left with having experienced the real thing...now the fake thing does not suffice...I want to love well and to be loved well...that to me is the only life worth living...everything else...that is just getting by... I want more than that. I want Gods best, I want forever again...

Many of my friends ask me what they can do on the anniversary of my Dad's death. I will not lie...flowers are nice, dinner is nice, notes are sweet things that I appreciate more than I can tell you, phone calls where I can just talk and share encourage me more than you know...But what I would like each one of my friends do this year is this...At some point this next year, or even the first chance you get...Decide to love deeply, open yourself up to someone in a new way, become vulnerable, watch the outcome...Let someone else feel safe in your arms in a worst moment...feel the emotion...If you share a worse moment with someone when the dust clears let them see you still standing...Ask God to give you His eyes to view someone with....watch your vision change...

In our culture today we see rare examples of true love and we all suffer for the lack of it...with each of us making a decision to go a little deeper, to push ourselves to open up or to make a commitment to be there for others in hard times we change things, we change people...love is beautiful, powerful, and lasting...it gives meaning to the word forever...

July 19th...six years ago....

July 19th is not a day I will ever forget. I am usually tearful and sad and just sullen this day today was a repeat of the last 6 years. This is the day my nephew died unexpectedly 6 years ago now. There is something that happens to a woman when a child dies that is close to her, it doesn't have to be their own child, nephews are close enough in that category...at least mine was. Christian was the first child in our family, I would have Allie 7 years later so for 7 years that boy delighted my heart in a way I only hoped my children would one day. When I was pregnant with Allie I was not sure I would love her as much as I loved Christian...I can't even put it into words what happens when a child dies but a part of my soul seemed to escape from me 6 years ago...I have never gotten it back...


Goodness he would be 25. I often wonder of all the time we were robbed, I wonder of what his future would have held, would he be married, would he have children by now, would we be as close as we were when he was younger, it seems that relationships with kids wax and wane and pick back up once marriage and children enter the picture...I would have always been close to Christian. I would have loved to see him working, I wonder would he have been that vet he wanted to be, would he be a husband, be a father...What would he have been....


One of the things I miss most about him is he had a twinkle in his eyes, I'm not sure I have ever seen in anyone else...he would just look at me in one of our moments and I swear his eyes would sparkle, in that second any pain I had seemed to dissipate...I love him...and today my heart aches with the reminder of a life cut short....


I'm going to have to go to sleep now and just let the Lord comfort me, hold my heart, and allow myself to rest in Him...I do look forward to the day destruction, the taking of things too early, and death is conquered....

Quotes and a pancake throwing birthday breakfast

Only a life lived for others is worth living. Albert Einstein

I'm full of color, but right and wrong is black and white. David Lalonde

Today was my little brothers birthday. We had brunch for his celebration. My kids my mom and I were there. My daughter is going off to college for the first time in a little over a month and my brother used this opportunity to show his love to his niece by giving a plethora of wise advice. My Mom chimed as well and just so you get a visual this was a bit like a Democratic and Republican conversation once I chimed in. My brother and I got down and dirty. We had not done that to that level in some time. We love each other...but we disagree about some somethings as most siblings do. He is a military alpha make and I was a lioness mama, it got a bit loud. I don't usually engage in people with verbal banter...BUT I certainly will when it comes to my kids, who adult or not, 18 or not, I am their mother, always will be...period. Whenever someone gives them advice I disagree with I'm going to speak up... I don't micromanage their lives, I don't demand even certain behaviors of them outside of my house, but I will not ever sit back and let someone give them worldly advice that could be destructive and shove pancakes in my mouth like it is OK...



It just got me to thinking today...to what degree does Our Father go to ensure we hear Him...to what degree does He go to so we don't miss...I could ponder on that one for some time, in fact I think I will go back and try and recognize when God was talking to me loudly or softly and I ignored Him or just didn't get it. When we see those things we might not fall prey to the attacks Satan wields against us that are oh so familiar (Satan is not very creative I have found out...I get the same scenarios with a slight twist over and over if I'm honest with myself)



My brother apologized, he told me he hoped I took no offense....I did, I was as mad as I have been in a long time...siblings can help to spur those intense emotions.... but we also forgive pretty rapidly in our family, and I do love and respect my brother...but as I said it was his birthday, I reminded him he would always be younger and dumber about some things...that is when we all laughed...:) Family makes the world go around doesn't it....



Happy birthday bro and I hope you all enjoy his quote today that describes my brother to a T!

5 weeks Post Op (36 days)

OK, as far as pain goes I still have it. I proved that to myself last night. I went to 3 different meetings yesterday. It was just too much. I took a tylenol #3 at the last meeting but I was more than ready for bed when the meeting started. I'm just not there yet...it is so much better but I am not there...

Percocet lets me sleep well. I don't think I will sleep deeply without meds until I can go to my stomach. Simply put sleeping on my stomach hurts. At least those sides can take it now...progress. I just am totally relaxed on my stomach, I had this same issue when I could not stomach sleep when pregnant, thankfully this won't last as long....

This healing flat out takes time, it is one of those things you can't rush. you don't really see big leaps of progress daily but you make them and suddenly you find you feel differently than you did 2 weeks ago...still can't lift anything over 10 pounds and that is not much, a gallon of milk is 8 pounds just for a guideline. I can only do that briefly, I still have to take my kids to the grocery for me so they can load, unload, unload at home and put things away...

I'm still tired, very tired, and tasks wear me out. I can for example clean for 5 hours if needed BUT the next day is a day off...I'm in the process of building stamina...

Now the nitty gritty of it all is I look very different, very different. The results are pretty amazing, I need to get rid of most my wardrobe...thing is once I start training to run I'm going to have to do that all over again...I'm really not wanting to buy a lot just a few things to get me through...I'm down 3 sizes and went to the junior vs. women's sizes, that in itself is just a totally different fit, but since I'm petite it is a better fit. I can actually say that now...I AM petite once again, it IS a nice feeling, but I tell you I will never ever forget that before the grace of God go I...life can change in a moment of a devastating diagnosis just as it can with a miraculous healing...God is breathing back life into me...for that I am grateful in a way I can not voice....

Post Op Day 29 (Photos)

So, I took these pics myself (July 11th) as my daughter is gone, the coloring looks yellow in my bathroom but I have to have my bathroom mirror to see the images as I shoot them for a guide, otherwise self pics of this nature are a waste of time and incredibly frustrating. My stomach seems to be settling in a little more to normal...I will say the hyperpigmentation on the sides has seemed to fade a bit. When I get out of the shower it looks worse from the heat of the water. I'm using cortisone cream on that and McDerma on my LONG scar. Everything seems to be healing well with those treatments... I seem to have stalled on the weight loss at 20 pounds, I'm going to start to do a walking program of a mile at a time. I'm allowed to walk that distance daily, thing is with errand running, I'm defiantly doing that and probably more. I still have this incredible need for rest and that means sitting in a recliner or propped up in bed. I can't do two days in a row of activity yet. With all the skin treatments I do it takes an hour for me to get ready shower to dressed, it use to take 45 minutes.

Right side view of hip and scar, the hyperpigmentation isn't purple in real time, but it is red, I was cold from coming out of the shower.....You can see how the scar is healing along those edges ;) I was arching in this picture so private things stayed private...

This is the left side, you can see the drain marks still as you can see the hyperpigmentation looks much decreased on this side than the other...

That front on view,I think you can tell it doesn't look like my edges have approximated fully along my suture line but this is what it looks like when you have a plastics closure without topical sutures or staples...it will be nice once healed....and yes I am 4 weeks out now...

This was taken just so you see the belly button, it is getting there and once healed and settled in I think it will be a fine result.

This week I was able to sleep on my sides. I could flip to my stomach with some effort but I certainly could not stay there and regretted even trying. I have been incredibly tired this week getting out only a few times to run some errands. I HAVE to have my kids with me to even run to the grocery store a 5 # limit isn't much. For example: a gallon of milk is 8#, I can't lift cases of water, or even grab a liter of juice, I can't reach and lift any liter products, I can't tug stuff off the shelf...and once the groceries are bagged they are too heavy to lift. So, I'm still pretty limited. My kids were gone for the weekend to see their dad and when that happens I seem to just sleep more. I REALLY want to get to church tomorrow but I don't know if I can make it all the way through a service...not only that I don't know what I would wear, nothing fits, that is a good thing but I am going to have to buy some new clothes for work. I have already gotten some comfy home clothes but I am NOT wearing sweats to church...I guess another Sunday with church on the tube...I will say thank God for Christian TV...I crave Joseph Prince, every day I watch him every time he is on, even if I heard the message before I listen again... as much as I like listening to Andrew Wommack on TV I prefer his MP3 downloads as they are an hour or more in length...I like to dig deep...;)

To sleep I take 1.5-2 5mg percocets, a 10 mg flexaril, and sometimes a 0.5 mg xanax if I'm really feeling tight. I'll sleep 8-10 hours, 10 if I take 2 percocets, 8 if I take 1.5. Sleeping 10 hours means I don't have to nap so I am opting for that about every other day. During the day if I am doing house cleaning and yes, I am starting to do that, I take a tylenol 3 and 1/2 a flexaril. Today I washed down walls, did some spot painting, ironed, and washed baseboards. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher the best I could because I can't put stuff up if I have to stack all the glass bowls. Tomorrow I'm hanging some curtains (I'll have help with that), continuing the woodwork and spot painting, doing some windows and I'm cleaning my room including going through tons of mail...I may dust and run the vacuum. If I can deep clean the inside (and I have not done that for 2 years since chemo started) that means the kids can pull weeds and keep the outside nice...THAT I can NOT do. They are both working now so I do have to cut them some slack. I did run out and get a few things at the grocery...I forgot a few things and have to go out again tomorrow, so another busy day tomorrow, but that is OK I had my Sabbath yesterday when I did not MOVE out of the bed hardly....

My favorite night this week was having Allies guy, Nolan down, we had a hilarious time. I told lots of little kid stories on Hunter and Allie and had them all in stitches...Nolan thinks he was a lot like Hunter as a kid...God love Nolan's Mom I need to meet her...I only survived Hunter with prayer and a sense of humor, but I wouldn't trade that boy for any other kid on this earth...I love him all the way inside his guts....I love how he ticks, I love his heart, and I love watching how he thinks even though it is so foreign to me...well, he just makes my eyes sparkle....we all laugh at each other so much, what a joy family can be...That girl of mine...she is a hoot, she started out so shy she cried when strangers looked at her out in public, bless her heart she is my Wednesday Adams, at the same time so much like me I KNOW what she is thinking and I can just look at her and we both bust a gut laughing....that is such a special bond to know someone that deep, it is precious my relationship with both my kids, as they have aged I have fallen in love more and more as days go by...and I don't know how that is possible...they keep my heart alive...Alright, it is my bedtime and the percocet is kicking in....time to shut my eyes....

Bible study

I'm doing a Bible study this summer at home called Me Myself and Lies. It is about transforming our "thought closet" to what God says about us in the Word vs. what we/others speak/think. It is a great thing to have a slew of scriptures to remind us who we are in Christs eyes vs. what/who others/ourselves tell us we are.

Today I'm wrapping up week 2 starting on week 3. Beth Moore is doing this study online with all her siestas....

This is time well spent for me...I will be returning to work in 5 weeks, most of this summer has been literally pumping the Word into me by various avenues as I recover at home. It is good sweet time, and it was needed. When we find ourselves depleted by life/pour health we need almost an IV infusion of the Word to keep our perspective. This study shows us how to take every thought captive and it shows us how to redress our thoughts...

I changed how I lived a few months ago. Last September I poured myself into scripture in a new way, I turned off my TV and started to listen to tape series every day...in 9 months I had gone through every one of Andrew Wommack's teachings online and had watched all his videos. When I figured that up it was equivalent to about 20 years of church at an hour a week. God has put some great teaching in my hand, heart, mind, and soul and in doing that the weeds chocking out the truth of the Word have been rooted out by the hand of God. That is the month I got miraculously healed and my healing has progressed, I was given a word from a friend that confirmed one given to me it would be a process of a year for full body restoration, I got healed instantly, but my body has taken some time to come around. This surgery evidently was part of that healing...

I'm grateful for health like never before, I'm grateful for my children, I'm grateful for friends who stick closer than a brother, I'm grateful for my job in this economy, and most of all I'm grateful for the new perspective I have of who I am according to the Word. This Bible study is showing me the progress I have made over this past year and it shows me where I still have issues...

Through this past year time and time again, over and over, God has been dealing with me on the power of my words, said in secret, whispered in my heart, and voiced out loud...If there is one thing I could do it would be to encourage everyone to have an arsenal of personal scriptures that encourage you to look up and find God...we take every thought captive by substituting what scripture says about us with the half truths or outright lies Satan is constantly whispering to us...

Here are some of my favorites...that help me in those many beaten down moments...and I'm going to be very candid here in a way I usually am not...



When I am told (and I am often) "Your never going to find real love, your not lovable" Now I have this...

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.

1 John 3:1 Consider this: The Father has given us his love. He loves us so much that we are actually called God's dear children. And that's what we are. For this reason the world doesn't recognize us, and it didn't recognize him either.


My personal booster shot is the very first part of this verse...it is very simple and very wise and profound all at once....

1 Corinthians 13:8 Love never fails.


When I am told, "Your not attractive anymore, your beauty is fading, no man will want you" I fight back with this...


Isaiah 40:31 Yet, the strength of those who wait with hope in the LORD will be renewed. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and won't become weary. They will walk and won't grow tired.

Job 33:25 then his flesh will be healthier than in his youth, and he will return to the days of his youthful vigor.


Ecclesiastes 3:11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.



When I am told, "You life is over, there is nothing noteworthy left for you to do, you may as well give up, you have no purpose" I fight back with this...


Psalm 103:17 But from everlasting to everlasting, the LORD's mercy is on those who fear him. His righteousness belongs to their children and grandchildren


Isaiah 55:3 "Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life. I will make an everlasting covenant with you. I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David.

Jeremiah 31:3 the LORD appeared to him from afar. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.



I will readily admit when I was undergoing treatment I was closer to death than I realized until I passed through that moment. I was ready to give up, I was just about to lie down in a few inches of water and simply drown. Now I don't mean that literally but I was treading in water that barely covered my ankles, I had no strenght left, and my hope had all but faded and my heart was sick...the reality of the Word pulled me out of that desperate pit...


There is a very real truth in the Word...and we should pay attention to it...our words are reflections of our hearts, what we say makes a difference, what we say to ourselves when no one is looking, when no one is listening and when no one cares to even know sometimes are the most important times...

Luke 6:45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

Matthew 12:34 O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

This very first verse is very clear what we voice produces "things" I have noticed that things are changing in my life with combating the 1/2 truths and mostly lies of the devil with the solid foundation and truth of the Word, I encourage each of you to think about the words you say, with your mouth and even silently to yourself. Think about the words that are produced out of your heart when angry, tired, depleted, late at night, when your alone...do you say/accept/listen to mean, hurtful things or does your mouth testify that you have no evil in your heart but that you know who you are in Christ....these are all things to think on and I hope this post was encouraging to you...as it from my heart...In Him, Lori

My heart soars...

My boy came home tonight to surprise me...he thought I shouldn't be home alone for so long, he had been gone since Wednesday working. He goes to work about 3 days in a row in another city doing maintenance for a nursing home, he makes 10.00 bucks an hour, his first job...I'm proud of him. I have to say for 16 he looks after his mom pretty well...He honestly thinks of others first...not only did he come home early but he did some yard work, made me some tuna salad, got me something to drink chatted with me on my bed and now he is in the shower, filthy from working...his dog is sitting at my feet peaceful even though the fireworks are going off, if she weren't in here she would be running from window to window barking. I hate what the 4th does to dogs...

Being sick is hard on a single parent...At least it has been on me because I'm the caretaker and provider of my family. I have done pretty well by my children, but chronic sickness makes us fail in our own strength...there is no way to keep juggling it all...something falls by the side...I was able to keep working, I was able to go through divorce and keep our home so their life felt stable...for that I am grateful...and I have to admit that it was simply Gods grace that got us through and it was His favor....I should have lost my home, I should have lost everything but God made a way...

The hardest thing to watch sometimes is your kids having to grow up in speed time...I didn't want Hunter to have to find rides in a new school with kids he hardly knew to football practice, I wanted to go see all his games, not just the three football games I got to....I really wanted to go to all his lacrosse games...I got to two...I wanted to be more involved checking up on his homework and grades...I wanted to be the one taking him to church Wednesday nights and picking him up, I wanted those car conversations...I wanted him to have a "normal" life. Instead he is a 16 year old with a sense of care for his Mom most kids don't have to endure until they are middle age, he understands respite care because he lived it for two years with me...He gets away for work and he comes home early...we are going to have to change that...

Allie has been gone this week up to Henry County to the fair, she goes every year to this fair. This is the first time she has taken the entire week, she just couldn't before this summer, I was too sick. She was Hunters taxi, our grocery shopper, cook, and kitchen cleaner. She has had a ball with her friends and her guy this week...I have missed her so much...she lights up my life the same way Hunter keeps me laughing...she is stable, and true, and loyal...She just like Hunter think of others before herself...I think one of the biggest things I saw her do this year was a decision she made to taxi Hunter to youth group across town every Wednesday...at first it was hard for her with all her responsibilities at school but I reminded her Hunter asked for one thing from us, and that was youth group. I reminded her how it grounded him...and you know what as soon as she thought about it she made the best of it, she found a coffee shop dropped him off went and had a latte and studied...I love that she put someone else first and not only that made it a treat for herself...

In the Word we find out God makes everything work for Good...and that is what I see...character in my kids that is good, it wouldn't have been my choice, they simply would have learned these lessons later in life...did God cause my sickness...absolutely not...he provided for my healing 2,000 years ago...but he used this situation and showed all of us we can trust in Him, not just for our eternal lives but in everyday life, for our mortgage, for food, for lacrosse fees...I found healing for a chronic disease that has no cure in Him, he is restoring my health in ways I never imagined, our family came out stronger...everything was held together and most of all we grew and we met God, Christ crucified along the way...my heart soars...

Post OP Day 20

Yesterday and today I have caught up on sleep that evidently I needed. I'm resting much more comfortably with the Percocet, it makes a huge difference getting 8 hours of solid sleep vs 2 and waking up and going back to sleep. I actually can lay on my left side, not my right though too painful. I now have my left side and my back to sleep on, it is an effort to turn and lay there for a moment but then I'm OK and everything can relax. It is nice to have more than one position. Soon after I wake up I need a muscle relaxant and some pain meds, I'm going ahead with tylenol #3 mid afternoon and 5 of flexaril. Nighttime I take a percocet and 10 of flexaril and I sleep fabulous on that. I was really tired these past two days and am grateful for a quiet house. Allie is gone this week to Henry County's Fair week and Hunter is now working and leaves when he works...I'm fine alone...

Today has been a PJ/nap day, I have not even hit the shower yet, I have not soaked in the tub either and I think I'm going to do that tonight...awww some lavender and vanilla bubble bath soaking makes for restful sleep...that sounds like a nice treat....speaking of treats I went out to the mailbox today to throw in a netflix movie and voila my favorite lily's were opened...enjoy the lily pics...I took a pic of the maroon ones hoping the lighting was better today and it was slightly still doesn't capture them....goodness aren't those white ones gorgeous...they are just so pure and fresh...reminds me of all kinds of God's nature...

More garden photos....I have the daises and cone flowers out by my mailbox, there is something so simplistic and carefree about the daisy...I love the simplicity and the brightness of it...My lilies are a maroon and a beige-pink. The camera really did not capture the color as much as just their beauty....I'm waiting for my very favorite white lilies to bloom, they are dwarfs and very fragrant...The older I get the more I love variations of creation...it just reminds me of how many facets God has....Alright, I'm off to an early sleep tonight.... enjoy....

Post op Day 19

Alright....I'm exhausted. Went to the docs and this is the lowdown, I have some hyperpigmentation on my lipo sites, not allowed any sun there or spf, there are lightening skin products you can use (I forgot to pick up at the plastics office). I'll have to get some. I will be off for 8 weeks at this point (going back to work on August 10th) because I have sutures from my sternum to my pubis bone....and let me tell you that is very evident when I stand up straight with the pull I feel, it is uncomfortable at this point and minimally improves week to week, sitting down I'm fine.

I can not lay on my sides or my belly, and I'm a belly sleeper. I can't sleep more than a couple hours unless I'm medicated, shifting is kinda a deal still in bed. I think it is one reason I wake up every two hours is I have to shift, even my ears hurt and I have one of those great foam pillows...One percocet and one flexaril helped me to sleep 8 hours and he wrote me for some more meds to achieve that. For that I'm grateful...gotta get that script filled.

I can take a bath, sit in a jacuzzi, go to a pool...wow, I'm getting in my jacuzzi tub tonight, not gonna use the jets but it will be full of bubbles and potions for soothing....

He is very happy with how I'm healing, I use A&D for my skin and I think he is pretty shocked at how well that works. I am using McDerma on my scar and belly button. He is amazed at how I look, I can tell by his expression...his concern is I absolutely can not lift or those stomach walls will go...he needs not worry. He did ask me what I was doing because I am shrinking even though I still have some fluid, I told him fruits, veggies, meats, no deserts, caffeine once a day if that. I have lost 20 pounds now the great thing is now that my abdomen fat is gone 2 pounds lost shows on my 4'11" frame, I am in the process of transformation, it is a beautiful thing...I'm in the 20's now of the weight I want to lose further, BUT I will say if I look good and my breasts start to shrink...I'm stopping...LOL. I have come to like my curves, it is just part of me, I'm not interested in being a stick but a toned hourglass...

I had no idea but at this point they will pull off the extra fluid from your belly with a syringe and he said he usually does and this visit with everyone (glad I didn't know that), and even though I'm puffy some he thinks what ever I'm doing is working and the procedure would not be worth it. I rejoiced! Seriously, I can't take any more abdominal wall pain right now...lol even though some of it is numb the fact is they use a long needle and you feel weird things on the inside as nerves repair themselves and I'm in that process right now, I just don't want anything thing more...

I am craving fish so I went to Red Lobster got myself a Lobster tail and some crab legs and ate away once home, I have the salad, shrimp and garlic butter rolls for later today and tomorrow...;) I still get about 10 or so bites in and I'm done but those were some enjoyable 10 bites....